9) Girls, not allowed

These are perhaps the strangest girls - for me at any rate, other girls might understand, if so PLEASE explain

I can understand girls not wanting to date (Ruth)

Girls not wanting to date me again (Christine)

Girls going home if they think I've stood up our date (Mandy)

Girls standing me up (how long have you got)

I can even understand girls I cannot understand (Randy)

But what I can't understand are the girls who get 'lost', and are never seen again

Or girls who aren't allowed to see me

With all these girls there is the same problem

That give me their mobile phone number

Which I never ask for on first meeting, it's a bit presumptious

And a girl, especially an attractive girl, has to be careful with strangers

Not they GIVE me their mobile number, often with considerable enthusiasm, the first time we meet

And I never hear from them again

And, when you think about it, IF a girl gives a guy their personal number doesn't it something?

Doesn't it mean - say - I quite like you, you're quite interesting and I'd quite like to see you again?

I'm just asking...?

And if it doesn't mean that, what does it mean?

Go figure

There was Linda. She was management consultant, so not short of confidence. And she was absolutely stunning

And we met in "The Dove", in Old Chiswick, by the river, where magical things happen to me. And she was just having lunch, with her drip of a boyfriend

So, of course, I talked to him

Because if you start off talking to her you're in trouble with both of them

But if you talk to him that's respect (even if you don't) and she feels left out and rather overlooked (even if you fancy her rotten)

And no girl likes that

So I talk to him but then I, casually, include her

And she likes that

And soon he's forgotten

And she's talking to me about India, and scuba diving, and Goa

And he goes to the bar and she quickly, but very carefully writes down her full name, her work number and her mobile number on a brochure for Goa and gives it to me

And I think she's gorgeous, and probably a bit of a goer as well (management consultants have something of a reputation in that arena, if increasingly little in the arena of consulting management)

This is going well

So I text her, after a polite gap, and she says she's very busy until January but she'd love to have lunch then (consultants actually say stuff like that) which I say is fair enough

And is not "no"

So I text her in January and she says...

Her boyfriend wouldn't like it

...

Well, he might not, but:

1) I wasn't asking him

2) He can come too, if he pays

3) It's only a lunch, for God's sake

4) I bet he wouldn't like her giving men her number in pubs when she's with him. But she had

But, she was gone

Lost

Or not allowed

Then there was Emma

And I met her in The Dove too

And she was bright and beautiful and funny and cheeky and took to me like an arsonist

(Like a house on fire)

And she not only gave me her mobile but a note to help me remember her by

And it was quite a memorable note

Emma Name

07777 777 777

TV Presenter

& her friend

(who looks like Kate Moss)

request the pleasure

Emma xxxx

(who can light a cigar properly)

Call Emma asap

Which looked pretty inviting to me

And, I think you'll agree, was pretty memorable

Doubly so with the unforeseen, but not unwelcome, inclusion of a Kate lookalike (ah, Kate)

And Emma left, but left her cardigan behind, accidentally on purpose

So I ticked to tell he

And she tocked an address to send it to

And we discussed meeting for lunch halfway (she was in Southampton) and we almost did but she had a work crisis to sort out and was then off to Canada for a trip. But definitely when she got back

So I left it 3 weeks

And ticked "Are you back?"

And I got a reply

"This is Emma's boyfriend. I appreciate it if you didn't send any more messages"

Well I bet you would

But nobody asked you

And stop reading your girlfriend's messages

It's not allowed

And nor, it seemed, was Emma

That's another thing I'd like to understand better

Girls with Magically Appearing Boyfriends

You talk to a girl, she gives you her number

You call

You chat, cheerfully, flirtatiously

You almost agree to meet for lunch

Then you call again

And she says "I do have a boyfriend you know"

Well, actually, NO I DIDN'T KNOW

How was I supposed to know?

When you had neglected to mention that small detail?

And, anyway, SO WHAT?

It's only a drink, which you've already done

Or lunch, which is just a drink with food

Aren't you allowed food or drink or to talk when you have a Boyfriend?

Some girls, the lost girls, aren't

(to be continued...there are a LOT of lost girls)

peterhero 2006