69) Two Well Dressed French Girls

69) Well, we are in France…

Two Well Dressed French Girls

(but only one Fanny)

or

Anything you Cannes do, I can do better

Which is Nice

Comprendez?

D’Accord…

I was back in Cannes, but not on my own this time - with Paula, only the best PA in the world (sorry, Rach)

And we’d had a busy few days, what with Waltzing Matilda (Kenya) in the Grovesnor (and did the Footman like her!) and then the Comedy Store with Matilda and her sister, and..whatever

So we came to Cannes to chill

Now I find it hard to ’chill’ at the best of times, and especially hard in Cannes

Trop Chaud

And that’s just the girls

(how come all French girls have 42” legs?)

Bainsfair once told me, on this  very terrace, that until  he came to Cannes his life had been in Black & White

Nice line, Paul

Well said

So, after we checked into The Carlton (no half measures for Paula) we went to Babylon

Just for a quiet drink

As you do

Well, it was far from ONE drink

And it was far, far, from QUIET

We sat down in the back room and I clocked two beautiful babes

One black, one brown

And the brown one clocked me

While the black one only had eyes for herself

And for Madonna on TV

Now, the old days something might have happened with the brown one

But S L O W L Y

Now it happened

SUDDENLY!

WITH BOTH OF THEM!

Thanks to Paula

Which is why she is THE BEST P.A. IN THE WORLD (Sorry, Sam)

She   just    spoke   to   them

!!!!????

And smiled that @girl smile that says ‘it’s cool’

And beckoned them over

And

They

Came

OMG!

How cool is that?

So let me explain about Babylon

Great concept

Until Midnight it is just a restaurant

Then at the stroke of 24:00

BANG

The House Music kicks in

And everyone

But EVERYONE

Starts dancing

AT THEIR TABLES

ON THEIR TABLES

And on the floor

And all over each other

Wow

Nothing like that in Chichester

Yet . . .(?)

And within MINUTES the brown one (Sophie: Brazilian French) was dancing, like a Brazilian, with eyes only for me, of course

And the black one

Fanny

Yes, really

(It took me some getting used to, too)

French Cameroonian

Fanny was dancing too

Still with eyes only for the TV screen

HER BLOODY MOBILE

And, from to time to time,

Paula’s bum

Which is quite a sight in itself

And, I thought things were going QUITE WELL, all things considered

AND, just to give you the picture, guys and gals, Fanny looks like Naomi Campbell

But hotter

(she works in a shop in Marseille, but I’ve discovered an uber-model – lucky me)

And Sophie looks like Jay-Lo

But is single

And here. And now, And how

And Paula, who looks like BB, isn’t too bad a mover herself

That’s three for the price of one, boys

Dream on…

Then things really started to hot up

Peterhero

Started

To Dance

And, when I start to dance with girls, things really start to happen

If I do say so myself

I’m quite a mover and shaker

In many ways

Let me teach you how to dance guys

You need to learn, badly

Anton talks about dancing with the feet

Len talks about dancing with the hips

I dance

With my eyes

You get eye contact

Then you lock in

Then you copy the girl’s move

So she KNOWS

You’re on her wavelength

Now you’re talking SEX

And I can do that with one hand tied behind my back (as Matilda found out)

Sitting down

So, I’m dancing with Bella Brazilian Sophie WITH ONE HAND

Sitting down

And sipping JD with the other

And Paula is sizzling with Fanny (yes we told her, she couldn’t give a fcuk (Sorry, Trevor))

And Paula is dancing with a man on stilts (what a bar!)

And a dwarf (this is CANNES)

And anything else with a pulse

And the back room is ROCKING!

So the Manager, nobody’s fool, says “Mr Peter, I have a special favour for you…” and moves us centre stage, FOH, in the Front Room

Because he knows a class act when he sees one

Or two, counting Paula

So, we are sat down

And we stopped dancing

And couldn’t talk

Because the fcuking House Music is too loud

And doing my head in

So I left it to Paula

And left…

How cool is that?

And then, of course, Paula being Paula, at 12:00 sharp the next day Fanny (who’s decided she’ll be called Natasha in the UK)

Fanny, who, INCIDENTALLY was on Temptation Island on French TV

AS A TEMPTRESS

Fanny (I still can’t get over that. A double entendre in two different languages. UK & US. But [Butt?], as I explained to Paula, until Fanny Hill was published, it was a normal Saxon name)

Fanny & Sophie (what an arse) were at the front door of The Carlton, worried they had missed us

And very well dressed (Zara with attitude)

And very well up for it

Sophie, by the way, is a nurse. Fanny works in a shop. These things happen…

So

We fly to St Tropez by helicopter

As you do

And had lunch

And I bought them some beachwear

Harsh not to

And Paula Had A Fit

When she saw Fanny in Dark Blue & White

Because she’d missed the outfit

And the guys at the next table had a fit

Of laughter

That I could be in control of Paula

And pull two French Babes

Without lifting a finger

And Rolls Royce gave us a Ghost

And drove us to Nikki Beach

Which was LOUD

So we got a cab back to Cannes

And, in the car, Paula told les girls what I can do to a girl

Involving “boobies” and “orgasms”

Citing Matilda

As Paula had seen with unbelieving eyes

And Fanny seemed interested

VERY interested

And Sophie seemed to want to know if I was still interested in her, as well

And Fanny wanted me to show that I was

So I did

Willingly

Because I was

UNBELIEVABLY

And we talked about a threesome

And Fanny said “Peter, I LOVE YOU”

And typed on her mobile

“One bag, 1500”

Which seemed reasonable

And I massaged their feet

And calves

And thighs

And kissed their cheeks

And they kissed mine

And Fanny’s eyes flared

And Sophie smiled THAT smile

And things seemed, I must say, to be going FAIRLY WELL

Even the driver said I was like James Bond

Which was nice of him

So, it was all arranged

After another night at Babylon – me treated like a VIP now – with Fanny & Sophie fighting off the competition from other girls according to Paula, who understands these things (what do I know?), we meet at 11.00 the next morning

And they came in

Looking fcuking unbelievably hot

Sophie is in skin tight white

Fanny in red

Smoking! (as Jim Carey would say)

And the Concierge is in fits

(I love Concierges)

That a middle aged Brit has pulled this off

Effortlessly

Just by being polite

And confident

And understanding girls

So, we stroll down the Croisette

And they were happy

And we dropped into Louis Vitton

And they were VERY happy

And told me just how VERY happy they were

With kisses

And looks

That spoke volumes

And we sauntered back down the Croissant

And I…

Well. You should have seen the view

You had to be there

But you can imagine

I was very, very happy

And about to get happier still…

(Paula was having a facial and massage so she was happy as well)

And then I said “We go to my room”

And they said “Pourquoi?”

And I said “To make love”

And they said “Mais, non, Peter”

And I said

“Nous parlons”

And they…

Well I don’t quite know what they said

They SAID they’d give the bags back

Go figure

I let them go

So they left

Even better dressed than they were before

I’ll let Paula sort it out

JE NE COMPRENDS PAS

That’s what she’s paid for

And why she’s the best P.A. in the whole frigging world

And not a bad fcuk either

 © peterhero 2012